I've been gone too long. I've forgotten who I am. Does anybody remember?

I sit alone (or at least wish I did) and think or try not to think. My sister is dying, my body is growing beyond me, my daughter is maturing, my husband is leaving (spiritually if not physically), and I am stranded.

I want to write about Katrina. Such a pretty name, like Andrew. When I watch on the news I want to cry and ask everyone I know, "What the hell is going on?" How can we say that citizens firing guns is an absolute danger and so no personnel must be sent in to save American lives, and yet Afghans (Vietnamese, Japanese, German, etc over the last hundred or so years) firing upon eachother is a rally cry to defend some tenuous and vague dream called democracy, so let's toss all of our able bodied men and women sworn to protect OUR nation and OUR people, in front of foreign bullets and bombs to protect foreigners?

Where is God in this? Where is the "Christian" backbone of our country who blindly elected a man with a vendetta back into office and why aren't they screaming bloody murder about what's going on? (I am not saying all Christians are like this nor am I saying that people aren't upset... I know a great many people are upset)

My heart bleeds for New Orleans and her residents. When I see the devastation I can't help but recall walking the streets of the French Quarter on a balmy May night, hand in hand with my husband and oh so in love with the city and him. I can't help but think of the insanely mad scramble of a taxi drive out into New Orleans proper to go to the giant cineplex to see Star Wars Episode I, the smell of the bayou and the drive over a long, beautiful bridge. I can't help but wonder what how Armstrong park fared; a park that no less than five different people warned me and my husband not to go into, "See the statue?" said the taxi driver as we whizzed by, "Now you don't need to go in there." I think of all these things and then I think of how NOTHING happened. I want to scream. New York is devestated and we move in and begin to patch her together. London is rocked and order starts to reform near immediately. The ocean tries to swallow a nation and the people of the world rally back and reclaim the nation. But New Orleans sinks, wallows, saturates, and ultimately decays while the world United States watches on and does nothing.

It's almost enough to make me feel like an ass for being depressed over my own bullshit but then that just makes me feel even worse, so what the hell.

I have to say that I THINK I AM AN IDIOT. I stopped taking my prozac (like a dumbass) and only got worse (of course) so now I swear I am going to try to take it. The last day I took it was on Monday last week and I have gone downhill from there. What the hell am I going to do?!

angela