Monday, July 17, 2006
re: men are stupid, but today I am stupider
Maybe I commited adultery. But, I am not sure I made myself clear on my marriage. I'm not sure I want to anymore. With every passing moment I think, why bother?
Does it matter that people know all this stuff? Does it matter that I know this stuff?
Would it change anybody's opinion of what happened if I admitted the harsh and painful truth that although my husband is a kind, loving man he has a wife who has gained a hundred and forty pounds in seven years of marriage, most of it in the first EIGHTEEN MONTHS and that he disclosed during dating that he had a hard time dealing with the fact that his girlfriend was heavy set?! Does it change anything that the extreme sexual side of our relationship began to decay with every pound that set on, and no matter how hard I struggled, exercised or dieted, nothing seemed to help? Dr's visits, diet pills, fad dieting, gym memberships... nothing. He has purchased for me numerous retarded things to help me lose weight, has become a cheerleader to the point of becoming annoying... and eventually although we had sex... it was a struggle. Early on in our relationship it was he who came to ME and told me that if I ever wanted to go out and find someone else, as he laughingly put it, to share the burden, so long as I used precaution, kept him out of our daughter's life, away from our home, was always safe, and to talk to him beforehand, to go ahead.
So why am I the villian?