So it's what, 5 am? I went to bed at a semi-reasonable hour and thanks to the dulcet tones of my husband I managed to fall asleep. I should provide a little backstory here: although we only just found out that I am bipolar (technically they told me this back in 2001 but they also told me I had PPD, which would you choose to believe if you had just had a baby? PPD, bipolar disorder... hmmm??) I have had had trouble getting off to sleep since like ever. I remember when I was 12 or 13 I'd get sent to bed and I'd jump up and do like a million and three jumping jacks...

Anyhow, when the husbeast and I were *dating* since it was a long distance quasi internet relationship, involving many long hours of phone calls, alot of those phone calls would occur right around bed time. Somehow I got "programmed" to fall asleep to the sound of his voice. Oooh, this annoys him to no end after 7 years of marriage, but I don't mean that him talking to me sends me to sleep. I just mean that it relaxes me and comforts me enough to send me to sleep.

We had bad news yesterday. His Aunt Ann passed away. He wasn't close to his Aunt Ann. But his Aunt Bryn had passed earlier this year and his Uncle Jim is already gone. That leaves just his mom on his mom's side of the family. With my dad dying in March it suddenly hit me that his parents could die. (They are old enough to be my parents' parents; aka my grandparents) I don't want them to die. I love my mother in law more than anything. She may think it's only because she has pulled my ass out of the fire financially more times than I can help, but it isn't just that. She's a strong woman who I can look up to, and I can honestly say other than my grandma she's the single woman I know who I most want to be like when I grow up. She's just amazing. I miss her, I am sad sometimes that I didn't realize what a wonderful person she was when we lived there, or get the opportunity to know her as I do now. If we lived there now I would be taking her on yarn crawls (despite her insistence that yarn should be cheap, hahaha) and knitting with her and learning all I could from her. I'd hug her even though it's not the done thing, you see. I just hope that I get a chance to do all those things.

Anyhow, it's still five am. Barry talked me to sleep again last night, second night in a row. He said some lovely things to me. There are times when I think my husband is the most obstinate, unobserving person in the world, and then he turns around and does or says something that has me melting. Like telling me that no matter how many times I have screwed up, he still loves me and he knows that I unequivocally love him. I hope I spelled that right. I slept, and dreamt funky dreams, and then woke up in a fright and couldn't tell what time it was. I must have dreamt that I had been being woken up by Megan repeatedly because I feel really tired (well, it is only 5) but I still had that feeling. But for some godawful reason I thought it was 5 pm instead of am and that I had been in bed all day long. And my heart nearly broke. Because I promised Megan that we'd go to the fair today. But parking after 5 would be a bitch, especially on $15 day... and I am reeeeeeeally tired. So I rolled over for a minute to sleep a bit more. Then my conscience caught up with me, and the fact that she has been worrying about me "not feeling good" on the day and using it as an excuse to bring a friend, so I rolled out of bed and started rushing through the house like a madwoman... only to find the house dark and quiet... peaceful. Megan asleep, the cat nestled down for the night, and Ozzy not even in need of going outside for a bathroom break. Because it was 5 in the morning. No wonder I am so frigging tired. :(

And then I wanted to weep. MAYBE I will manage to get back to sleep. But I woke up like someone turned on a switch and 5 is officially the earliest. Which makes it kinda obvious. I am heading up into a manic swing. Well that's what the Dr said anyways when he told me to see my GP and up my dosage. :(