maybe it's headaches in constant, nonstop succession. maybe it's midsemester slump. maybe it's just a bipolar thing. I feel like crap and I want to freaking cry. Actually I want someone to remind me why I should stay here. Not here, in my house, or here in Lancaster, but here-- the metaphysical here. Here with everybody here.

I am having a moment of pure and utter tiredness that can only come from running around and around and around. I did a stupid thing not long ago and said, I need to up my dosage and waited to refill my medication until I could see the doctor about doing that, but by the time I could see my doctor about it, I couldn't afford to pay for my prescription so I had to wait until I could and ran out of medication. When I went back on the medication I went back on the medication at the new dosage which was considerably higher of a dosage than before, but not that much if I had been taking it without a break, which I hadn't been.

So I have been experiencing really strange side effects like: memory lapses. Problems with concentration, getting lost in areas that I have known all my life, moodswings (when the drugs I am taking are to counteract mood swings), having problems with my judgement, being down, and just having problems in general.

Overall I am sad and just blue. My earlier post was raging and mad, but I was still kind of sad and tired, right now I am tired and sad and just want to sleep. I wish that I didn't have any of my regular responsibilities and I could go check myself into a ward for a couple of weeks to they could fix my medicine and get me on track but in saying that I realize that I am probably being self indulgent and am seeking more of the calm regulation of the routine than the actual getting straight of the medication. (and if I really wanted the routine I could do it myself, I am just too damn lazy, so really I just want somone to do it for me)

im just so damn tired